Today was the first snowfall in NY, for the first time in 3 years I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because I felt alive.
In the past 3 years I faced PTSD, Agoraphobia, Panic Attacks, Bipolar, Hallucinations and the list goes on. I couldn't enjoy anything even if I wanted to. My brain was always working for me, even when all I just wanted was silence! I didn't know how to shut it up.
Little by little I worked on my healing. Yes! worked! It didn't came by magic, it didn't come by a simple prayer, nor by the snap of a finger. But slowly and with each step I took, I began to finally feel alive.
Today I still have PTSD, Bipolar, Hallucinations from time to time and some Agoraphobia and the whole long list, but the difference is that with the tools given to me via therapy and resources found on the Internet that I choose to apply to my life, I can actually cope and live and enjoy life.
For others a snowfall might be just a snowfall. But for me, its the marking of a new beginning, its the marking of my coming to life. Its beautiful. Saying that makes me scared. Scared of relapsing, scared of what the future holds and scared that I might be feel depressed and dead once my bipolar cycle kicks in. But I won't let my future rob my happiness of this mere moment. Nope! I will enjoy this mere moment because tomorrow is not promised and this moment is all I got for now. I will enjoy my beautiful day filled with snow =]
How about you? What small detail in your life has brought you joy? What small little detail has made you smile? Even if it is for the mere moment. Hold on to that and enjoy it.
