Monday, October 28, 2013

I Came To Win - Mental Health Awareness Retreat

I Came To Win

I remember when I was so depressed that I was suicidal. I kept having hallucinations both audio and visuals. Added to that I had ADHD, Flashbacks,OCD , Dissociation, Nightmares, Anxiety, Paranoia and Panic Attacks. I still face some these illnesses till this day but at a much less level of severity.

I remember back then, when it was very severe, trying to search for a reason to stay alive because back then there seemed to be none. I would cry myself to sleep and hope that in the night I would just vanish and it would be my last day on earth. Many nights I wished I just died.

It may seem cheesy but I am going to share a video that helped me during my worst bouts of depression. A video that I have shared a few times with the Mental Health Awareness Retreat group. The same video a friend of mines send me in those very dark days along with a message "you can make it!...Give your very best". It was the same video that I kept replaying time and time again when I felt like giving up, telling myself I could keep going and that there was more in me to give. 

See, when you feel you are at your VERY, very, very last straw and you feel that is all you have in you to keep are ready to give up, to throw the towel in.....If you just keep going you will see that what you thought was not really true. You have more in you then you believe you do.

You are strong! You are amazing! and there is so much worth living for. What that is? Go out there and find it. These days I am honestly happy to say that it was worth living. That it was worth the pain to keep on pushing through. I didn't want to end my life, I wanted to end my pain and that is not a good reason to die for. What I needed was to figure out how to live with my condition. How to live with my symptoms. Not die.

Suicide is not the answer to a temporary problem. You are not alone <3 Reach out. 

As Nicki Minaj "Fly" Feat. Rihanna song says "I came to win, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise...To fly.

Take a look at what I am wearing from XIAJ, [Urban Wealth], and The Body Modification Event HERE

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